DIARY OF AN INTROVERT
Now this is a bit of a different blog post for my blog. Ever. Like, EVER…
Anyhoo, yes there will be a three part blog series on the Diaries of An Introvert because I feel like it’s always so difficult for people to understand that I am an introvert, especially when their next response is always something along the lines of “… but you have a blog?”, “…how are you an introvert when you have a YouTube channel…” #sigh. Yup, and all the time I end up having to explain myself, which often becomes a conversation that becomes TOO deep for my liking. Almost like it is encroaching of my personal private space. Introvert like of me to say right? LOL.
Now I will fully explain where this comes from, and how I got to the introvert that I am now.
Before we begin, can we kindly understand the term INTROVERT.
“(psychology) a person who tends to shrink from social contacts and to become preoccupied with their own thoughts”
WHERE IT ALL BEGAN…
Growing up, a little kid, my mother would tell me that I was a quiet child. I never really liked anything or anyone much, wanted to always be around the people I was familiar with, my family, especially my mother. I was not one to EVER really have “A LOT OF FRIENDS” (I didnt then, I don’t now but we will get into that later), even when growing up, I am told, I was not one to be around friends all the time(according to my mama). Didn’t really change much through primary school and high school.
Don’t get me wrong here, I had friends, I interacted as and when required, but it was just never something I opted to do, IF I HAD A CHOICE. Through the years, getting to know myself a little bit more, my introverted nature grew- A LOT. Unbeknownst to me for that matter. I just noticed that I had very small circle of friends, wasn’t fond of constantly being out and about, and rather preferred to be hanging out with my closest friends at home over good music and wine. That is ME at my MOST comfortable, at home, around the people I’m closest to.
The reason from my introverted nature, especially at this point in my life, stems from a place of hurt, and longing.
This comes from the closest people to me that have unexpectedly (to me), hurt me, in ways that I struggled to understand. Even until now, the hurt runs so deep, into a place, I cannot reach to pull it all out. I can handle hurt from a stranger, or someone who I barely know, but I can’t handle hurt from someone I’m close to. I struggle to move forward from that. The hurt came from a place where in my thoughts of being comfortable around someone I know and care for, they hurt me often by betraying my trust. Due to this, I’ve retreated back into my cave, and have struggled to come out since. Oddly, I’m not complaining.
I often don’t share what is going on in my life with many people. Only one or two know, typically my sister and a friend or two. This is because, my mother has always held a place in my heart in which I could talk to her. I realised that talking to other people, gives a sense of relief in the end, but not a sense of comfort if your business ends up being heard in the street. The longing for my chat buddy, my mom, has been there, ever since she left, thus causing me to retreat even further into my cave (of safety).
In ending this part of the Diaries of an Introvert- this explains why I keep my private life so hidden, and keep my cards very closely to my chest. Being an introvert gives me a sense of understanding of who I am, what i want, how I want it, what I will tolerate and what I won’t. That gives me a proper sense of control, and if there is one thing I want for me and my life- it’s definitely control. <3
In the next series of Diaries of an Introvert, I will be delivering a great piece of work, by one of the most poetic, deep, highly talented writers I know. My cousin,friend and brother…TK. So be back for that. You’re going to love it.
Until the next one,
Live in Light and Love <3