HOW TO EFFECTIVELY DEAL WITH A
Whoaaahh…. That title, scares me.
We getting into it. We doing it. Ok, we doing it.
I have recently diagnosed myself (yes, diagnosed myself) as having come out of a toxic relationship. It took me months to realize this, however, thankfully, one very fundamental moment happened, which definitely switched on my light bulb. It actually made me want to talk about this phrase “Toxic Relationships”.
Not only will it be a healing process for me, but speaking about it is also a sense of relief and more so, acknowledgement of what happened, how I took it, for the longest time, how it changed me (for the better, and the worst, at times), and how I never acknowledged that I was in toxic relationship, until getting the courage to get out of it. No, I wont be giving the gory details of what happened in my relationship, lol, lets save that for another day (not, because the other party is entitled to their privacy too), but I will be talking about what to look out for, signs, that show you that you’re in a toxic relationship. This could be with a friend, lover, family member, anyone.
When we fall in love, often, we are completely blinded to the flaws that our partner possesses, wait, pump the breaks here, even with a “friend”or an acquaintance, we often pick up the signs WAYYYYY too late, once the damage has been done. To you, to your friendship, relationship. Spotting toxic people though, is crucial to help you walk away from a situation that no longer serves you.
Believe me, sometimes you just don’t want to walk away. It is difficult, and you will not be thought little of, for being strong enough to say, “This does not work for me. I’ve tried, but this brings me more harm than happiness”. Sometimes you JUST need to do it, for the sake of your sanity, your heart, and in some really bad cases, YOUR LIFE.
HOW TO SPOT A TOXIC PERSON….
These few tips, will help you recognize if you are in a relationship/friendship where it just is not healthy for you. I found myself being angry and sad MOST of the time towards the the ending phase of my relationship. I hated how I looked, I gained weight, I snapped a lot more, I felt like all the time the blame was pointed at me, I spent many nights crying myself to sleep- all because of a conversation that went wrong. We took some time apart. in the few months apart- I smiled again, I took up a healthy eating lifestyle and lost 13kgs in 3 months. I smiled more, I dove into doing the things I love, like re- designing my blog, and creating content for YT. I was in a good place.
A little after 3 months, we spoke. In the two days we were communicating, I was back to being sad, depressed, wanting him to say things that he never said, like even just an apology. Something, anything. I was frustrated again. I realized at that moment, that this, whatever “this”was, was not working for me. It brought more harm to me than good.
So I feel like it would be good for me to give you my pointers on how to spot a toxic person. This can be friend, lover, family, acquaintance. Anyone.
- When someone looks to inflict damage in the middle of a disagreement or argument. If someone always wants to come to a solution, they are trying to get to the point, with you, by working it out. A toxic person, throws in jabs that will hurt you, just so that they can protect themselves. They would rather be aggressive, rather than listen and try to understand where you are coming from. This in turn makes you more anxious to bring up the problems, or talk about issues with them.
- They treat everything you do and say to them, as a personal attack. So if you bring up an issue with a toxic person, and try to show them what you don’t appreciate that they did to you, they end up thinking that you are personally attacking them, attacking their character. They will never really think that you are seeing a side to them that you don’t like, and you’re trying to show them, instead they fell you are gunning after them.
- They criticize you, say something mean, and then say “I was just joking”. No joke is ever funny if it comes at the expense of attacking someone’s personal character, or if it hurts their feelings. Period. Toxic people often do this. They say something horrible to you, and then follow with I’m just joking.
- They have moods that switch almost instantly from happy to upset. A toxic person often switches from happy to angry very quickly especially if you say something that they feel attacks them, or something that you’re not expecting to hear.
- Toxic People like to Isolate. If your personal relationships with people outside the toxic one begin to suffer, then you may be dealing with a toxic person. Often, they may not have as many “friends”or people they spend time around, thus want to isolate you and “have you all to themselves”. They get upset when you go out and about and they are not there, they get upset when they aren’t told about where you are and what you’re doing.
There are MANY signs to recognize toxic people. You just need to pay attention. You may have such a person in your life, the one thing I would say is that know when to walk away. These are things I wish I’d payed attention to, but I did not, but I think these are strong signs to see how people can use covert manipulation tactics to just try and control you. Know when to see it.
I wish you all the best.
Until the next one,
Live in Light and Love <3