THE HARDEST JOURNEY OF THEM ALL- THE
So as you know, this is not only a beauty and lifestyle blog, but I do tend to focus on issues that affect me too. Things that affect me as a human being, a woman, and more especially, a BLACK woman. This blog post is the first installment of a few blog posts where I will be talking about the things that affect, me, and generally, on a larger scale, most women, if not all.
The first one being, THE BODY.
“Why won’t my body just LISTEN to me?”
“Wow, I’m fat. How can anyone love such a thing?”
“What’s wrong with me?”
These are some of the things I would say to myself, every time I would look into the mirror and stare at my body. Many times I felt that my body, was failing me (not me failing IT, IT failing ME). I was NEVER EVER positive about the way I looked until roughly 3-4 months ago. I mean HONESTLY positive, loving the way I looked and the way I felt about my body. This is a struggle all women face.
Society, Media, Social Media…. Has driven home the concept of looking a particular way, in order to be labelled as “beautiful”, or “sexy”. So, in other words, I have to have slender thighs, breasts the size of tennis balls (firm and perky), toned body, bright smile with perfect teeth, a light complexion (tone), that makes me look more mix, than BLACK to actually be called, beautiful.
For a long time, I actually believed it. So much so, that I started barely eating, starving myself, in the efforts for my body to respond and actually make me look “pretty”. Wow. The deception, the betrayal to my body, to myself, that I thought that I was not good enough…. Family, friends- I would be given the stare down and the snide and rude comments
“Wow, you’ve gained weight?”
“Whats happening to you?”
“Wow! You living large neh? Life must be good” (as they stare at me, up and down).
As if it was not enough that I was badgering myself, hating myself ENOUGH, other people felt that they had the right, the need to comment on MY life, much more, MY BODY.
The emotional, daily struggle, torture, self loathing, hatred of yourself.
The thing is, I was the one extremely unhappy with ME, with my life. With everything in it, at the time. Until that changed, no amount of self actualization, o self appreciation would EVER make me feel good about myself. It was hard for me to love and appreciate myself, when I was shaming myself, and was BEING shamed by those around me, every time they judged me. I was not fitting the mold, looking perfect. Perfect skin, Perfect life, everything. I was not part of that, and why were people shunning me for it?
ACCEPTANCE BRINGS CHANGE
I see them everyday, the stretch marks the cellulite, the hyper pigmented face, the crooked teeth and today, I love EVERY single bit of myself. You know why? The moment you ACCEPT that this is who you are, is the moment you open yourself up to change.
I looked at myself in the mirror and said,
“Yes, you are fat. Do you like what you see? Do you want to change it? Is your size impacting on your well being? Do you feel healthy? Do you want to change it?”
Do you want to change it? YES.
So I accepted the challenge that I had given myself and my body, that I wanted to change the way I was living my life and the things I was doing to affect my body negatively, that made me hate looking at myself in the mirror. I accepted the now, the situation and I have NEVER looked back.
I shut myself off from looking at things on social media that would make me question myself, or doubt my abilities. I may not have the perfect teeth, but I have a heart the size of a mountain, and the heart I have says,
“your teeth don’t matter… how you feel about yourself, MATTERS.”
I took the necessary steps I had to take to accept and change what I felt I needed to change for the sake of not hating myself.
I changed. I took care of myself, and changed. For me, for the sake of learning how to love myself, unequivocally, EVERY SINGLE DAY!
Being comfortable with who you are, your size, your teeth, your body, the colour of your skin, and doing whatever it takes to get you where you need to be, MUST be your mantra. EVERY SINGLE DAY! Be positive about it along the way.
Due to the fact that I was not happy with myself, the first thing that needed to change was the lifestyle, the food, the junk. I wanted to feel good, inside AND out! The desire to wanting to feel good on the inside, got me where I am today, as I write this post to you. I’m feeling GOOD on the inside, and It’s resonating and showing on the outside.
What matters is how I love myself, more and more each day. Unapologetically.
I may be a far cry from being Beyonce, but the thing is, I’m not trying to be. I’m trying to be KATLEHO.
That, to me, is good. It IS SOOOOO GOOD.
Work on yourself, this is YOUR LIFE, this is YOUR BODY. YOU CHOOSE WHAT YOU DO WITH IT.
Until the next one,
Live in Light and Love <3