WHY I DISAPPEARED…

| MOTIVATION MONDAY

 

 

Ever sit in front of your laptop and just not know exactly what you want to do and why you want to do it? I’m going through this as I write this.

 

This is probably going to be one of the hardest posts I’ve had to write, so I’m going to try and do it without breaking down. Shit. Ok. Here goes….

 

MY ‘WEEK” OFF….

So if you are someone who seems to think I’m cool, and you follow my updates on social media and my posts, uploads, and tweets, you will have noticed that I’ve been pretty much non- existent online over the last week. There is a completely valid and reasonable explanation for this.

 

I am currently going through something. A got diagnosed a week ago today, even though my doctor and I have been talking about it over my last visits, and often over the phone over the last couple of months. Let’s just say that my doctor felt it is time to stop talking and actually do something about it.

I’m not going through a terminal illness, I promise you that, I’m fine, physically, well, for the most part. However, many things in my life, are not fine, and I’ve been running from  it for years now.

I’m not really ready to speak about it, as it is all still so new to me, and hit me like a ton of bricks when I discovered I am going through this without even being aware of it.

 

TROUBLE SLEEPING

 

For months now, I’ve been having hectic problems sleeping. I probably, at most, sleep 3 hours a night, unless I’ve physically induced the sleep by taking tablets. I’m working on changing this horrible habit with my GP, I’m currently on something to help get my sleeping routine back to normal, so to speak. In my moments of not sleeping, my mind is on OVERDRIVE. I’m thinking, I’m worried, I’m stressed, I have fears, I’m uncomfortable.

 

RANDOM EMOTIONAL SNAPS AND OUTBURSTS

My mood swings, are ridiculous. So often, and at most times uncontrollable. I lash out, and feel horrible five minutes later, I go through moments of sadness even when I don’t even know why I’m sad. I cry. A lot. It makes me tired most of the time, but at the same time, it makes me feel SO much better. It’s like a drug really.

 

FEARING SOCIAL INTERACTION

If you watch my social media timelines closely, if I ever snap something, I’m usually with one or two people I’m extremely close with, or I’m alone, at home. Contrary to what my personality may project, I actually have a fear of being out and about with people I hardly know. Not fearing that I might get hurt, but fearing that I won’t know how to mingle and interact- probably why I feel so comfortable around my camera, because I know that it’s just ME. I’ve become socially awkward (note, I was not like this), I prefer to be at home, because being out brings fear, worry, being uncomfortable and so many other things that I’m not quite ready to speak about yet.

 

….

 

I could go on and on, but I’m not really ready to continue on about this, because I myself am not even sure whats going on just yet, (I mean, I know clinically what my situation is, I’m just struggling to accept it). I’m trying to listen to my my body, and make the changes that I need to make, mentally, to be ok. This stems from various things that have happened in the timeline of my life, and how I’ve tried to be strong, ignore and move forward, but because it is affecting my routine, my life, I need to just stop and listen and take action. So I am working on it.

 

Once ready to talk about it, I will.

It was as per request from my two doctors to take this past week off and just stay away from my gadgets, as much as i could and just try to still my mind for a bit- not quite sure if that’s worked as yet.

 

SOCIAL MEDIA, YOUTUBE, BLOG

 

This is what i’m here for.

My social media (more especially my blog and my channel), are VERY important, VERY HAPPY places for me. Even with everything going on, these two things are my nirvana. I cannot let them go, as I had told my doctor. She didn’t try to stop me, she just tried to have me take it easy for a little bit.

Things however, will be a little different from now on. I just want to warn you from the jump so you know.

My UPLOADING SCHEDULES WILL STAY THE SAME. 

However, I will not feel compelled to upload if I do not want to. If I’m not having a good week, I will not upload, or will upload one post, it will all depend on me. I’m taking time out to listen to myself. Just a little.

I hope you understand, but I have rather big issues to work through at the moment. The support though, still remains insane, and thank you for messaging me, checking if I’m alright, wondering where the videos and the blog posts are. They are COMING.

They will just come at a pace I’m comfortable with now.

Just Katleho on Youtube. Click HERE. Please do SUBSCRIBE if you want to join the JK family.

Just Katleho on Twitter. Click HERE.

 

JK_JustKatleho on Instagram. Click HERE. Please do follow.

JustKatleho facebook Page. Click HERE.

 

So please stick around, thanks for your unwavering support and please note if I seem stand offish if you meet me, or if I decline invites out, I’m working through something. I’m not trying to be mean. <3

I just want you to do one thing for me this week. For MM.

Listen to yourself. Listen to your body. Take regular breaks. Be easy on yourself. Sleep. Live. Just really, TAKE GOOD CARE OF YOURSELF. Please.

 

I don’t know when the next post will come, but it will. <3

 

Until the next one,

 

Live in light and Love,

K.